Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Happy (Belated) Birthday!

Twins are officially a year old.  Well, one year and five days old.  It would only be four days, but, leap year.

Which isn't to say that I didn't wish them happy birthday in person.  The update is that they're crawling around like... like babies... and have both acquired... dare I say "intelligence"? in their eyes.  Not so intelligent that they don't try to eat things like tissue paper and cardboard stacking blocks and have to be supervised like a couple of terriers.  But.  Still.

Anyway.

Personality development is in full swing.  Both have recently started exhibiting facial expressions specific to Chris.  Or, specific to Chris when he's being kind of a bitch.  But that is neither here nor there.

On a completely unrelated note, I feel like I should mention that Chris recently voiced some displeasure regarding the infrequency of posts and the erratic subject matter since... well, since the twins were born.  I've been going through the old posts little by little, both to explore that accusation and, for reasons of my own, to check to see if I've said anything overtly offensive or incriminating in the event someone tries to Google me.  Jesus H.  I'm so sorry.  Erratic rants indeed.

Anyway.

I've had some stuff going on that really trumps the blog in terms of priorities.  Not to say I've been accomplishing much on that end, considering I've spent a lot of the last week reading old Nancy Drews*.  But continuing ability to pay my rent really should come first.

Anyway.  Not sure where I'm going with this.  I'll leave you, for today, with yet another dream to be interpreted.  It went like this:

I was having one of those awesome afternoon/after-work naps where you lose just enough consciousness to start dreaming, but not so much that you become completely unaware of your surroundings.  I knew all the while that it was early evening, and that I was relaxing in bed, windows wide open, and it was raining.  So it was very realistic when all of a sudden I was making out with an under-privileged third-world kid of my acquaintance.  But there was something wrong in terms of suction.  "Hold on," said I, "I have to take out my retainer".  And then I woke up.

What could that possibly mean?


*I've also done some Nancy Drew-related research and have discovered two things:

1.  Many of the earlier Nancy Drews have been edited over the years so as not to be culturally offensive.  I give you the the culturally-sensitive first line of The Secret of Red Gate Farm:  "'That Oriental-looking clerk in the perfume shop certainly acted mysterious,' Bess Marvin declared, as she and her friends ended their shopping trip and hurried down the street to the railroad station."

2.  So much for that Master's thesis.  In about 2008, I had the idea to do some digging into female detective serials, the rise of feminism, etc.  I had this notion that if I were to do a survey of powerful women who would have been coming of age at the time when the Dorothy Dixons, Nancy Drews, and Trixie Beldens of the world were most popular, I would find a distinct correlation between the appearance of these fictional, intelligent, independent and empowered amateur sleuths and the rise of non-fictional powerful and influential females starting in the mid-20th century.  Apparently a copy-cat named Jennifer M. Woolston beat me to it in 2010.  Damn you, Jennifer Woolston!  I could be lecturing on cultural theory at Harvard now, if not for the  F I received in Rock n' Roll and its Roots, which precluded me from admission into even the worst graduate programs offered at Canadian universities.  This F has since been rectified, but that's another story entirely.

  

Friday, August 3, 2012

Splitsville, or, A funny thing happened on the way to flip cup..., or, One Hot Mess*

...or was it on the way back from flip cup**?

Either way, my work social events always conclude in some manner of mess.

All of these socials involve an open bar.  The summer socials also, invariably, involve a team building competition.  Perhaps it is inevitable that when you take the spirit of competition and add limitless alcohol that flip cup will ensue.

But first, the other competition.  It was an Amazing Race inspired event which my team was so disinterested in that we were at the bar doing tequila shots as the rules were being explained, thus missing the part about how we would only get our first clue after beating other teams in answering a trivia question.

More than half of the teams were gone before we figured out what was going on. However, after that, I dominated at trivia.  The question was this:

In what movie did a character played by Paul Reiser say the following:  "Look, this is an emotional moment for all of us, okay? I know that. But, let's not make snap judgments, please. This is clearly-clearly an important species we're dealing with and I don't think that you or I, or anybody, has the right to arbitrarily exterminate them."***

I also dominated at the American Gladiators style jousting competition.  Not because I was especially good at it, pent-up aggression aside.  However, with my awe-inspiring balance and core strength (ahem) I could not, and would not, be knocked down.  I wore my opponent down very, very slowly:  eventually he fell from sheer exhaustion****.

Last, I dominated at flip cup.  I sat out the first couple of rounds because I didn't want to aggravate a summer cold by drinking to excess, but then I decided what the hell.  I quickly earned the role of team anchor, and we didn't lose once*****.

The evening ended with me demonstrating that I can do the splits on a city sidewalk.  Not that I can only do the splits on a city sidewalk.  I can do them anywhere.  I maintain that it's an accomplishment not many women of my advanced age can boast of.  However... if you're ever hanging out with me and I pose the question, "Wanna see me do the splits?", it might be advisable to get me a piece of bread and a glass of water.

On the thought of the splits, this has been one of the most eventful weeks of my life in terms of the ending of relationships******.  If anyone asks after me, you can find me in my apartment listening to a break-up mix, which currently involves only a Whitesnake song set to repeat.


*http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hot+mess

I only scanned through the first 7 or 8 definitions.  All are possibly applicable.  If I say so myself.


**If you don't know what flip cup is... well, I'm surprised.  I'd never actually played it before (another surprise) but I still knew what is was.  Here is an instructional video for the uninitiated:




***Answer:  Aliens.  Apart from the Star Wars and Star Trek franchises, I don't even particularly like sci-fi.  But I do like movies where female leads kick serious ass.  And... who hasn't seen Aliens?  Though, it may take a certain personality type to know (1) who Paul Reiser is, (2) that he's only been in like 3 movies, and (3) of that limited selection, that quote could only have come from one movie.  That movie being Aliens.


****I've recovered from some bruises which I blame entirely on the jousting.  None of the photos I took worked out, so you'll have to believe me when I say these bruises had a strange paw-print pattern, which made it look like I'd been in a slap-fight with a bear cub or a labradoodle.


*****how does one join the Beer Olympics?  Is it selected by country or fraternity or what?  I don't want to find myself alone in a room 15 years from now muttering, "I coulda been a contender".


******